Wednesday, June 8, 2011

DISCHARGED!!! 3/15/11

At 9:23am my phone rings, I answer it, Hello they say May I speak to Rita Macias I say this is Rita they said HI this is the discharge nurse from Fresno Community your son is being discharged what time can I expect you to pick him up?? I hesitate and say HUH? did you say MY son is being DISCHARGED? She chuckled and said YES!! I said HOLD ON!! I jumped up and shouted and danced for JOY and IN MY shout MY 2 brothers my mother and father joined in and I said Thank You Jesus MY baby's coming HOME!! I regained MY composure got back on the phone and said HELLO... The discharge Nurse said Congratulations MAMA your baby's ready!! I told her i would be there at noon being I had to wait for Marcos since he had the car seat we had been driving with the car seat in the car for the pass week!!! #faith! So Marcos got home and we took off to Fresno Community and walked to the NICU and said our secret code for the last time said goodbye to our nurses our Doctors and Our Social Worker and Thanked them over and over hugged the other parents in our unit and they wished us luck and congratulated us and even prayed for us before we lift! We walked out NEVER forgetting our time there the friendships we made the tears we cried and the laughs we laughed and the stories we heard and told! I feel like I'm leaving a piece of me behind a door in my life is closing while another one is OPENING the RODE was long and bumpy and at times i was dragging myself but I KEPT going forward and this is the day I have been waiting for the day I get to take my MIRACLE home!! Zacariah comes home weighing 5 pounds 6 ounces just the size of a newborn! He's one month and 7 days old!!! my Champ! MY Fighter! My Heart!cutting off his ankle tag! computers off!!!!!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


Thank You to all the Dr's. Dr. Elliott& Dr.rajani

and to his Day Nurses: Kari,Stacey, Amy,Therry,Adear,Kari(brown hair) Zoupe, Judy, Cece, Rod, Carolyn, Tamara, Kris, Bea, & Faith

Night Nurses: Wileen, Ashley, Diane Ishbel Denise Diann, Tammy, Phobe, Ann, Kathy, Mealine, Donna, Jona, Diane A, Jackie

37 days and 30 nurses and several diff rent Dr's. and RTs We would like to thank You for all Your hard work, commitment and dedication to our Son! we will always be grateful and Thankful! we love you and will always have you in our hearts!

To our social worker Patricia: you made our time here so much more easier thanks for ALL the Lil chats and encouragement!

To the Security: U ROCK!!!



Our Time in the NICU 37 days

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

2/12/2011 leaving a Piece of ME behind

This is they day I have regretted the day I would be discharged and separated form my baby! This is the day when I would think about it i would push it to the back of my head this is the day I feared the day I don't know if i could SURVIVE! This is the fifth day! I wake up after tossing and turning all night I slowly walk to the shower and turn on the water look in the mirror and burst into tears and plead with the Lord to help me i get in the shower and I literly ball the whole time I'm in there. I get out get dressed and I can't stop the tears i just let them fall and silently I cry! Marcos walks in and he knows he knows this is the day i feared even the day he has feared wondering if i would be OK wondering if i would get depressed wondering what he can do to help. He come gets my hand and smiles and says Good Morning My Pinnacle of Love (something he has called me since we've been married) i whisper good morning then i burst into tears and he caresses my head and doesn't utter a word. I look at him and say today I'm leaving the baby is staying what will I do? how can i Leave my Lil baby? I then tell him very defensively I DO NT WANT ANYONE TELLING ME IT'S OK HES IN A BETTER PLACE!! I know he is but i don't want to hear that it's natural for me to want to take my baby home that's the way it was designed to have a baby and take them home!! Then I sob i waited 10 years and I'm going home empty!! I quickly correct myself tell Marcos I'm sorry and say at least he's not sick he just has to grow! Marcos swallows hard and says babe I'm going to tell you gently the baby will have to stay he might even have to stay for a Month but together were going to get through this he's going to be fine and your going to be OK too. He kisses my forehead and says lets go see OUR baby! we walk to the fourth floor and we enter I look at Zacariah and I want to cry I know I'm not going to be able to do it without crying i keep clearing my throat I don't want my baby to Know I'm sad! I whisper Zacariah I LOVE YOU with all my Heart! Your MY Lil FIGHTER your my LIL Champ Im holding him and yep the tears come streaming down!! Marcos gets up grabs Zacariah kisses him and tells him I have to take mommy home she needs to rest but we'll be back tomorrow I LOVE U Zacariah he tells the nurse were leaving the nurse comes over and hugs me and tells me the first day is always the hardest you'll be OK were going to take real good care of Zacariah and if you can't sleep you call us and we'll talk to you. I thank her and walk out and in silence i walk to my room get my belongings and we leave! My dad is waiting for me since I'll be going home and he'll be driving me while Marcos goes to the pharmacy and gets all the meds the Dr. ordered for me i slowly climb in the car and look at my dad and cry I don't want to leave my baby i don't want to leave him my mom rubs my shoulders my neck my back and tells me Mija don't cry no more your going to be okay and so is he! I cry the whole way home. I get home and Nathaniel is waiting for me he comes rushing out of the house and I climb out of the car he says HI Mom I look at him and start crying again! He just looks at me and I say I'm sorry i hold him tight release him and walk inside go straight to my room lay down and cry. I hear my mom whispering to Nathaniel probably telling him how come I'm crying. I reach for my phone and TeX my Sissy and tell her to Pray for me cause I'm so Sad! She replies she is praying for me and she Loves me! Marcos comes in he looks at me and says I'm Here I'm making You some dinner okay your parents will be right back. I look at him and scream I WANT MY BABY I WANT MY BABY I'm crying uncontrollably my whole body is shaking and I'm crying Please BRING ME MY BABY!! Marcos comes to my side and puts his arms around me and say go ahead cry let it out I'M HERE and I cry and cry and when i don't think i can cry No more I'm still crying he lets this go on for a good while then he said OK Rita wash your face and Stop crying were going to call and check on Zacariah I get up and Like a robot wash my face for along time and when I'm done i get the phone and dial the Number that's already saved on my phone!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

2-10-2011 Oldest meeting Youngest

I'm awaken @ 6am with a TeX on my phone. It reads Hi Mom can I miss school today and go see you and the baby? Dad said it was fine but to ask you. I respond YES Nathaniel that will be great! I call the NICU and ask how Zacariah is doing the nurse re ponds doing great! Marcos and Nathaniel show up @ 8:30am and Nathaniel starring at me wide eyed he comes and kisses my fore head and Say's mom how do you feel? I tell him I'm a little tired but that i feel good and if he's ready to go meet his baby brother with a huge smile he says I'm ready! Marcos gets the wheel chair and i push it slowly to the fourth floor. Marcos does our code the doors swing open and i notice Nathaniel take a deep breath and he says wait wait i instantly stop and say Nathaniel the baby's OK he's just here cause he was born to early he has to grow! Nathaniel then says OK OK! How i had the strength to reassure my oldest and beyond my belief my heart feels like it's broken over and over. I pat Nathaniel's arm and tell him to wash up and together we enter the room. I say Zacariah HI it's Mommy and Nathaniel is here to meet you. I tell Nathaniel talk to him Nathaniel says hey Zac it's me Nate Your so cute and Little then he chuckles. I open the window's and tell Nathaniel to touch him he does and he chuckles again! The nurse comes by and says Hi Mama would you like to hold your baby??? With the biggest smile on my face I say I would love to. She then gets everything ready and very carefully she places him in my arms and I'm carrying him very carefully being he has leads and tubes all over his tiny Lil body! I'm bursting with pure JOY I tell him I love him I kiss his checks I sing to him and I look up and Nathaniel is starring right at me with a smile on his face and a tear streaming down his face and he says Mom our baby's beautiful holding back tears i clear my throat and reply Yes he is this is our Miracle our LIL Fighter! I'm getting tired and my cuts starting to hurt but how can i part with this Gift! The Nurse comes by and Say's it's been 1hour we have to put Zacariah back in his bed. I again give him a Lil squeeze tell him I love him and i will be back later! (preemies get cold real fast so they don't like to keep them out longer than an hour) I slowly get up walk to the wheel chair sit down and Nathaniel pushes me back to my room. we walk back in silence thinking our own thoughts we get back to the room Marcos helps me to my bed and he says rest we'll go back in a few hours. I agree close my eyes and Thank God for The beautiful bond Nathaniel and Zacariah have already formed

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Meeting Zacariah

It's be 14 hours and I still haven't seen Zacariah! I have a new nurse my day nurse and I tell her I ha vent seen my baby! She says oh No I'll go get a wheel chair and take you up there. she excuses herself and by this time Marcos walks in I tell him I haven't seen the baby! He says I'll take you by this time the nurse comes with the wheel chair Marcos tells her he'll take me she encourages me to try walking i say OK Marcos helps me up and i walk out my room very slowly hold onto the wheel chair and very slowly push it as it gives me support! We walk into the elevator and I'm thinking wounder how small he really is? Is he really OK or are they just telling me that? The elevator door opens and we get off i get butterflies in my tummy I want to run but reality settles in and I'm walking very slowly. I finally get there and Marcos punches in our secret code they let us in we wash up and we enter the room Marcos points theres nurses around him he's the first baby I walk to the incubator and put my hands on it and stare! The nurses quickly introduce themselves and excuse themselves and let me have this MOMENT.. Marcos whispers you can open the Lil windows and touch him but don't rub his skin it's to sensitive just touch him. I say OK I instantly forget my pain and open the windows and put my hands on my baby i touch his head i touch his feet i touch him everywhere and whisper hello Zacariah it's Mommy I'm here i take my hand out and kiss my fingers and put it back through the window and touch his head. I love my tiny baby! Tiny he is! I'm thankful for him! I look around and see so many other preemies 10 to be exact the parents look at me and smile at me I smile back then i look at Zacariah my Lil Miracle and i again Thank God! The nurse comes back and brings me a chair I sit very slowly she tells me Zacariah is very Feisty he took off his oxygen @ 6am and I said fine you don't want it I won't put it on you she said i was sure i was going to have to but i didn't he's breathing just fine he Knew he didn't need it I chuckle and say that's Zacariah My Fighter! I'm starting to feel very tired and Marcos must sense it he say Rita lets go for you can go lay down we'll come back later. I slowly get up open the window again and whisper Zacariah I love you I'm so proud of you I sing him OUR song "Twinkle twinkle Lil star" I again tell him he's so strong and I LOVE HIM and mommy has to go rest but I'll be back i slowly walk out of the room and dare not turn around i get in the wheel chair and Marcos pushes me back to my room. I slowly climb in my bed with Marcos' help and sob calmly trying not to apply any pressure to my fresh wound that's on my lower tummy and I say Lord this is my MIRACLE I've waited 10 years for him PLEASE protect him and give me the strength for whatever might and will come my way. I then close MY eyes and fall asleep.

Monday, May 16, 2011

2/8/2011 HE'S HERE!

At 6:30am I'm awaken with quick pains and I think am I having contractions? I start timing them and there about 7 min. apart. Dr Helm (my high risk Dr.) walks in and I say I think I'm having contractions, He looks at the paper and says yes you are just try to relax and Rita remember Every hour counts you've held off for 4 days just remain calm and rest I say OK Dr. Thank You. He tells me I'll check on you in awhile just rest. I close My eyes and a few hours pass and I'm awaken with contractions every 2 minutes! My Nurse walks in and says Rita your contracting hows your pain? I let her know I feel NO pain but I do feel the contractions she says she's calling the Dr. she comes back and says were going to move you to labor and delivery as soon as a room opens it looks like your baby is coming today!! I bite the bottom of my lip and speak in my head, Lord keep your hand on me and my baby amen! At 3pm i get moved to labor and delivery the plan is to have the baby natural I'm quickly progressing! I have been moved from Dr. Kopaz team to Dr. Thomas' team at this time. Dr. Dalmi walks in and sits next to me and Marcos walks to the bed and he says he recommends that i get a epidural just in case theres an emergency and i end up in Cesarean that way I'll be ready to go. I agree with him Marcos also agrees they call the anaesthesiologist. My Nurse Monique helps me up to the side of the bed I sit at the edge the anaesthesiologist tells me to relax and he pokes me I instantly jump up I quickly apologize and tell him wait. I take a deep breath look at my nurse who is standing in front of me holding my shoulders and nod my head she then tells the anaesthesiologist OK she's ready he pokes me again and instantly My right leg kicks up and it feels like it's on fire i start screaming my leg my leg my knee he quickly says i hit a nerve it's OK but i missed and i have to do it again by this time I'm sobbing (for those of you who know me know i can handle pain) this is just unbearable! Marcos who is outside the room cause the anasthesiologist just wanted my Nurse in there starts fiercely knocking on the door shouting Rita Rita are you OK what's going on in there?? The anthologist tells me to look up and sit straight and to take a break and quickly excuses himself i look at my nurse with tears pouring down my face she looks Me straight in the eyes and says Mama your doing good this will all be over soon just relax and breath! The anthologist walks back in and apologizes again saying this has never happened to him before but he promises this time he will get it! so needless to say the 3rd poke he got it! He helps me lay back down apologizes again I'm so winded i just nod. Marcos walks in and ask what happened i told him and he gets so MAD! I tell him I'm OK it's done. Dr. Dalhmi walks in with a concern look on his face and says Rita were taking you in to surgery the baby's heart is dipping and we dont want baby to be stressed! I look at him i take a deep breath and say OK Dr. whatever you say! He walks out to get ready the nurse brings Marcos scrubs he getting dressed and I'm thinking Is this really Happening I'm 30 weeks and 4 days is this happening! I look at my dad and he reassures me with a smile every things going to be OK! I look at my Mom with tears in my eyes she instantly comes to me and say Mija every things going to be OK You can do it! The Nurse comes in and says OK let's go I'm sobbing by now Marcos grabs my hand and says Rita don't cry every things going to be OK he wipes my tears and we enter the surgery room. At 5:49pm the Dr announces you have a baby boy congratulations and he immediately gives the baby to the neonatal Dr's that were outside the door waiting to receive the baby! fifteen minutes later they call Marcos for he can go meet the baby he tells me I'll be right back! He comes back awhile later and shows me the camera and says this is your baby boy he weighs 3 pounds 8 ounces and is 16 1/2 inches long and he's beautiful! He tells me there putting oxygen on him but he's OK every things OK there getting ready to move him to the neonatal floor! I look at Marcos and say He's OK and he Nods yes he's OK Thank u Jesus and we sob quietly! my surgery is done and they move me back to my room and the nurse says maybe at midnight you can meet your baby! I'm in and out I feel exhausted but at the same time alert! I want to see my baby! The visitors come pouring in and im so highly medicated I'm not sure if i even make sense! one by one Marcos goes and takes them to meet Zacariah Kingston Macias. He comes back I ask him hows the baby and he say hes doing great and the nurses are all so nice and there taking really good care of him and i close my eyes and smile.